o v e r f l u o

Motherhood is strange. So so strange. People describe it as amazing and tiring and rewarding and all of that and it is true. But today it dawns on me as strange; a mystery. That once this little being is born you somehow give your everything to it. Even when your flesh cries for more sleep and to do “your own thing” and to not have to feed so soon again, you do. Something inside responds to that helpless babe’s cry and desperately wants to soothe it. Then when soothed, thoug h sleep deprived you can’t help but take another minute to enjoy that sweet face and know she is yours and yours forever. The dance (sometimes literally when you are finding the best way to rock her to sleep, or at other times going – is it hungry or nappy or wind or), the figuring her out, the watching her grow, the frustration, love, heartache, joy and learning has only just begun. She teaches you to pray, to sing, to stretch yourself and try new things. Motherhood; it is a mystery, a wonderful mystery. ...

Thankful for my mum who flew here to be with us for two months in anticipation of baby and to look after us. The past 10 days since Tessa was born she has been boiling herbs, cutting fruit, cooking meals, washing dishes, doing laundry and cleaning house. She also spends time with baby so I can catch a nap in the day. Thankful for Ian also, who has been a super hands on father. I didn’t change a single nappy or onesie in the first three days of Tessa’s birth! He also goes to work, still gets up in the middle of the night to soothe Tessa, cooks and more. Ma and Ian have been gracious and unconditional in their service and love, it helps so much post-birth. I just want to say, thank you both.

For the past two weeks... I've only washed cups, never any plates or pots or woks. I've never cleaned anything, yet my house is (visibly) dust free. The car has had its first real deep clean in a couple of um maybe months. Laundry has never been done alone. I've cooked only one meal. Most mornings I wake there is some sort of food ready for me. #justsaying #39weekspregnant Watching my mum wash dishes after dinner last night, I thought about how when we were young, parents would make us do stuff – bring your plates to the sink, wash the dishes, clean your room. But now we are older, our parents know we do those things. Those habits have been ingrained, we have lived in our own homes with our new family for years and know how to "keep house" and "zuo ren" ("be people"). So now instead of asking us to do stuff for our sake, they do  the stuff for our sake. It's their way of serving us, loving us, and perhaps grasping a bit of t...

Day 5 of maternity leave. Mum has flown in from overseas mainly to support us when bubs is born. Right from day one she settled into helping to market, cook and clean; it's a mum thing hey :p Today, surprisingly she said okay to breakfast at maccas so hotcakes it was. Then a walk to the nearby library, then she cut my hair so I've got a short bob now which will be more convenient for labour plus days when I just need my hair washed and dried quickly. Perks of having a hairstylist mum – I've paid for haircuts less than 10 times in my life.

One of the perks of having all this free time while on maternity leave, is doing whatever I want to – like finally finishing the watercolour of the second house we lived in. And getting super organised and cleaning the house. I was asked the other day if I've gotten into "nesting mode" yet. Well, I have always been an organiser. I'm always looking around the house, finding ways to neaten things up, store them better, or more recently also get rid of what we don't need. If this normality gets any more intense, then maybe that would be "nesting" for me. Another thing I did today was organise my feedly with good reads. As a quick reader it's easy to skim through, but the danger is in not actually processing what's read and thinking critically about it. One of the reads I like is Michael Hyatt's blog. He talks about productivity, leadership, and how to be your best self. He came up with a journal – one with guiding questions that gets ...

We've just hit 37 weeks and now we're waiting for Baby Loh to arrive, any time now. Our drawer for baby stuff which doubles as a change table just arrived yesterday, so that's the last thing to get set up, and we will be all ready. Or well, as ready as we can be. It's true that people give you all sorts of advice. My mantra is to hear everything, but choose what we think works for us. So many parents wisely say – trust your instincts. And really, you can plan all you want but when baby comes, you'll just have to see how it goes hey. Don't stress and put too much pressure on yourself. Meanwhile, I've just started maternity leave. I am very grateful to be able to have time to relax and do whatever I want, while e 'brings home the bread'. There are bits and pieces to do here and there, but you know what? While I can, I think I'll go take a nap...

I was reading this book which referenced the woman at the well from the Bible and it said she found Jesus, or rather He found her.  Now I'm not one to think too deeply about eh intricacies and theology or Calvinism or any of that, but when I read that I though, wow – in the midst of all people Jesus found her. In the middle of a crowd He found her, specifically her. It means she must have been special, she must have stood out somehow, there must have been something for Jesus to have found her.  And what a joy and delight, to be found by Jesus. 

The voice we should listen to most as we choose a vocation is the voice that we think we should listen to least, and that is the voice of our own gladness.   What can we do that makes us the gladdest? What can we do that leaves us with the strongest sense of sailing true north and of peace (which is much of what gladness is)?   Is it making things with our hands out of wood or stone, or paint, or canvas? Or is it making something we hope like truth out of words? Or is it making people laugh or weep in a way that cleanses their spirit?   I believe that if it is a thing that truly makes us glad, then it is a good thing and it is our thing and it is the calling voice that we were made to answer with our lives.   – Fredrick Buechner

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Nothing like a funeral to remind you of the transience of life, of the meaning of life, of what more there is to life.

Legit or not? I mean, this book by "Enid Blyton".  I never heard of #glutenfree till I came to Australia and here, it is all the rage. It crossed my mind it could be due to all the bread they eat because no, I couldn't have sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner (just not a diet I grew up with and am not used to).  But whatever it is and however funny it is that such a book exists, I just wanna say I love my gluten free friends and Australia is really good at catering for that – lots of supermarket buys and restaurant fare available.

"To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there." –Kofi Annan

Mexican themed Christmas party in the company of good friends. E's smokey BBQ pulled pork was amazing – and it was the first time he cooked it! 

Pre dinner doodles at Pepper Lunch – can't go without drizzling that sweet sauce all over your rice.

Fried egg, spinach leaves, bacon, brie and some tasty sauce in a sweet brioche bun at Chapter House Coffee  in  St Paul's cathedral, Melbourne

Today I was reminded why I would never be in sales. It is the last day of the month and when you are trying to hit targets, seriously... the pressure can be crazy and that's not my kind of thing. I work to other sorts of deadlines and with other pressures, just not this kind.  Today I learnt that sometimes you have to let things be. If you can't change it why let yourself be frustrated by it? I was working on design files in Adobe Illustrator which kept hanging. Coupled with a slow server where I had to get files from, it was a pain. Especially when I knew what I wanted to do already and am generally a fast worker.  After an hour of impatience and frustration, I finally let myself relax because after all, what can you do, right? So every time it hung, I just sat back and drummed my fingers and stayed calm. It took an additional hour to finish up a job which probably could have been completed in less than half the time. But you know what? At least it ended well bec...

Today at this point in time my iPhone tells me I have walked 10,001 steps. This is higher than my daily average, thanks to a lunch time walk to e's office at one end of the city. I bought baguettes for us and as usual, we tried both but he let me have the one I liked better. The sun was out and the breeze was not too cold. It was nice. We also walked to and from the train station. This probably ought to be daily fare.

Today, we were supposed to cook dinner at home because we've been eating out a lot with visiting family. But we were naughty and decided to eat out instead. After all, we both work in the city and there are plenty of options here! So we had a delicious dinner at Din Tai Fung – with a 25% discount thanks to Entertainment Book. And it was lovely.

A weekend away at Lakes Entrance, 6 friends made up of 3 couples, coinciding on my birthday weekend. Stopped at Warragul Thai which was delicious and well priced. Then crabbing on a fine afternoon with a few minutes of soaking rain. All for a good haul of sweet sand crabs, later oven baked with duck fat. Mm mm.

For my job I do marketing (and well, everyone does some sort of marketing in life but... y'know) and I have to say – man, this world moves so so quickly. It's crazy to keep up with all the changes and upgrades. From what size Facebook posts should be now, to Google's search engine optimisation secret-not-so-secret recipe changes, to what the best metrics for analysis are. But well, you gotta keep up huh. And actually, while it can be a little crazy to try sometimes, it's actually pretty interesting. It changes the way we work and sell our products. But it also changes the way we think and shapes our habits. It's a funny cycle – how we create tools to respond to needs, then people take those tools and become in need of them (not necessarily in a good or bad way). It was not so long ago that technology (in terms of world wide web, mobile phones and computers) was not a part of most people's daily lives. But look how that has changed. I've been thinking m...

Inception  Last night I watched a show where a man woke up and realised it was all a dream. After that in my sleep I dreamt I was waking up from a dream over and over again. It was very tiring because I kept waking up – but not really because I was dreaming. I think I was quite confused.  Got bak kwa? I was recently in Singapore where my Dad got me some pork floss (fried pork snack) to bring back. At Melbourne customs I declared bringing meat into the country. The guy checking my bag said, Bee Cheng Hiang? Yes. Got bak kwa? No, only pork floss. Okay. Yesss – loved that he mentioned Bee Cheng Hiang. It's like, you know me and my people mans. Old friends and old strangers Living overseas, it is hard to stay in touch with many friends. There are only a few you can properly keep in touch with. This trip back I visited some old familiar haunts like church and workplaces. In church there were old friends but also old strangers – people whom I've seen week after week for two decades...